Friday, May 12, 2006
An apology to passers-by
I'm sorry.
I am evasive.
I see someone I know, but not very well, walking up to me. I make an abrupt turn to the left. On rare occasions, I might even turn right.
Thus evading them.
It is because sometimes, I get shy. It is because, sometimes, I can't stand to talk to someone I suspect has better things to do.
I don't want to waste their time. I don't want to embarass them by remembering their name when they don't remember mine.
I don't answer the question "howzit?", and I don't ask it either. I just give a warm greeting (genuine, by the way) and move on. Not stopping, like someone on a treadmill at the gym.
I haven't figured out this behaviour 100%.
For sure, sometimes it's some stupid jock I know, but don't want to.
But at other times, its people whom I've connected with, but where the intensity of that connection just... waned.
Or we've only recently met and I can't acknowledge the potential for something by actually talking to them on my own.
It's really sad, sometimes.
If you go through some meaningless conversations with people, you sometimes end up in a really good place.
But you still have to be daring. Daring for me = normal. Not constricted inside.
After the wave I will walk past and mutter under my breath.
I'm a happy person.
Hierdie is die jammer-sê wat ek eintlik vir baie mense skuld.
Baie mense dink seker dat ek 'n totale asshole is, net omdat ek nie deur die motions van "hallo-hoegaandit-totsiens" wou gaan nie.
En dit maak my hartseer, die hartseerste, wanneer ek iemand raakloop met wie ek ek konneksie gedeel het, maar dit het ge-fade. Hoe deel mens daardie regret?
Soms verwag mense nie meer as die "hallo-hoegaandit-totsiens" nie. Ek kan dit nou okay hanteer.
Maar ek verkies nog om die raar iemand van ver af te sien aankom, en onbeheers te begin glimlag...
gm
Hmmmm. I do the same, sometimes. It's not always easy talking to people that you don't know very well.
But don't feel bad about it - you're certainly not the only uncomfortable one! And you can't stop to talk to everyone. So long as you acknowledge the people you think deserve it, i reckon that's enough.
mike
niel you're right up my alley..
ek haat dit om te stap en dan check jy - hey! daar's iemand wat ek ken...maar dan dink jy...hey, wag, dalk is dit makliker om maar net nie die persoon te groet nie, om hulle op so 'n manier te ignoreer dat hulle agterkom jy doen dit aspris maar terselfde tyd op so 'n geslepe wyse dat hulle wonder of jy hulle actually geignoreer het en of dit dalk net hulle verbeelding was. dalk was dit? maar eintlik weet altwee van julle dat julle connection (hoe oppervlakkig ookal) nooit meant to be was nie...dat enige hey hey hoe gaan dit oomblikke tussen julle vir ewig verby is.
en dan stap julle verby mekaar (die metaforiese skouers kan dalk selfs vir oulaas verby mekaar skuur) en slaak dan 'n sug van verligting - aaahhh...nou is daardie persoon van my greeting-roll af...
heimlik hoop jy dis 'n mutual feeling...jy wil immers niemand seermaak nie...en die oomblikke en die dae gaan verby soos die hey hey's in jou lewe een vir een uitgefaseer word net om plek te maak vir nog hey hey mense in jou lewe.
dit terwyl jou hart 'n inner circle of trust desire - in 'n strictly non "meet the parents the sequel" kind of way.
soos net jy dit weet of ken.
M.E.
yes, the relief of getting them off the greeting roll. well said, emmie.
since we're all so horrible at this, can't we develop a code of signs with which we can instantly express:
"I respect you, but I have to get to the next checkpoint now."
"You were a good friend. Look over there! It's a unicorn. Goodbye."
Oh wait, that would be almost the same.
Eventually, the discomfort would pass on to the code of signs.
Mike: you're right. as long as you go the extra mile for those who really matter.
Gerhard, that's quite weird, because sometimes I also smile uncontrollably. Then the person wonders, "if you're so happy to see me, why are you zooming past, you friggin idiot?"
Consensus?
N
So that's why, Niel! I'm closer to understanding the mystical jumble of hoodoo-mumbo jumbo that is your head now!
If I don't greet someone it usually means I'm not wearing my glassess. Cause they're broken. And I can't see you. See?
seminormal
LOL! That sounds like me, Niel! I've gotten a little better about it with time, but not a lot. I'm filing this one away for future use:
"You were a good friend. Look over there! It's a unicorn. Goodbye." LOL!
C
Ek glo dat ek, uno en iemand anders op hoerskool al n term vir die gebeurtenis vasgestel het... die term in engels is 'lavoid' ... Dit stam van die volgende:
Dit is n kruis tussen avoid en lazy. Soos ek dit sien, en hoe ek die phenomenen beleef is dat ek is net te lui om vir die small talk opsie te gaan, en dus avoid ek hulle. Dit maak baie goeie sin en ek hou daarby!
die vorige anonymous comment was ek, Stefan.
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I am evasive.
I see someone I know, but not very well, walking up to me. I make an abrupt turn to the left. On rare occasions, I might even turn right.
Thus evading them.
It is because sometimes, I get shy. It is because, sometimes, I can't stand to talk to someone I suspect has better things to do.
I don't want to waste their time. I don't want to embarass them by remembering their name when they don't remember mine.
I don't answer the question "howzit?", and I don't ask it either. I just give a warm greeting (genuine, by the way) and move on. Not stopping, like someone on a treadmill at the gym.
I haven't figured out this behaviour 100%.
For sure, sometimes it's some stupid jock I know, but don't want to.
But at other times, its people whom I've connected with, but where the intensity of that connection just... waned.
Or we've only recently met and I can't acknowledge the potential for something by actually talking to them on my own.
It's really sad, sometimes.
If you go through some meaningless conversations with people, you sometimes end up in a really good place.
But you still have to be daring. Daring for me = normal. Not constricted inside.
After the wave I will walk past and mutter under my breath.
I'm a happy person.
Hierdie is die jammer-sê wat ek eintlik vir baie mense skuld.
Baie mense dink seker dat ek 'n totale asshole is, net omdat ek nie deur die motions van "hallo-hoegaandit-totsiens" wou gaan nie.
En dit maak my hartseer, die hartseerste, wanneer ek iemand raakloop met wie ek ek konneksie gedeel het, maar dit het ge-fade. Hoe deel mens daardie regret?
Soms verwag mense nie meer as die "hallo-hoegaandit-totsiens" nie. Ek kan dit nou okay hanteer.
Maar ek verkies nog om die raar iemand van ver af te sien aankom, en onbeheers te begin glimlag...
gm Hmmmm. I do the same, sometimes. It's not always easy talking to people that you don't know very well.
But don't feel bad about it - you're certainly not the only uncomfortable one! And you can't stop to talk to everyone. So long as you acknowledge the people you think deserve it, i reckon that's enough.
mike niel you're right up my alley..
ek haat dit om te stap en dan check jy - hey! daar's iemand wat ek ken...maar dan dink jy...hey, wag, dalk is dit makliker om maar net nie die persoon te groet nie, om hulle op so 'n manier te ignoreer dat hulle agterkom jy doen dit aspris maar terselfde tyd op so 'n geslepe wyse dat hulle wonder of jy hulle actually geignoreer het en of dit dalk net hulle verbeelding was. dalk was dit? maar eintlik weet altwee van julle dat julle connection (hoe oppervlakkig ookal) nooit meant to be was nie...dat enige hey hey hoe gaan dit oomblikke tussen julle vir ewig verby is.
en dan stap julle verby mekaar (die metaforiese skouers kan dalk selfs vir oulaas verby mekaar skuur) en slaak dan 'n sug van verligting - aaahhh...nou is daardie persoon van my greeting-roll af...
heimlik hoop jy dis 'n mutual feeling...jy wil immers niemand seermaak nie...en die oomblikke en die dae gaan verby soos die hey hey's in jou lewe een vir een uitgefaseer word net om plek te maak vir nog hey hey mense in jou lewe.
dit terwyl jou hart 'n inner circle of trust desire - in 'n strictly non "meet the parents the sequel" kind of way.
soos net jy dit weet of ken.
M.E. yes, the relief of getting them off the greeting roll. well said, emmie.
since we're all so horrible at this, can't we develop a code of signs with which we can instantly express:
"I respect you, but I have to get to the next checkpoint now."
"You were a good friend. Look over there! It's a unicorn. Goodbye."
Oh wait, that would be almost the same.
Eventually, the discomfort would pass on to the code of signs.
Mike: you're right. as long as you go the extra mile for those who really matter.
Gerhard, that's quite weird, because sometimes I also smile uncontrollably. Then the person wonders, "if you're so happy to see me, why are you zooming past, you friggin idiot?"
Consensus?
N So that's why, Niel! I'm closer to understanding the mystical jumble of hoodoo-mumbo jumbo that is your head now!
If I don't greet someone it usually means I'm not wearing my glassess. Cause they're broken. And I can't see you. See?
seminormal LOL! That sounds like me, Niel! I've gotten a little better about it with time, but not a lot. I'm filing this one away for future use:
"You were a good friend. Look over there! It's a unicorn. Goodbye." LOL!
C Ek glo dat ek, uno en iemand anders op hoerskool al n term vir die gebeurtenis vasgestel het... die term in engels is 'lavoid' ... Dit stam van die volgende:
Dit is n kruis tussen avoid en lazy. Soos ek dit sien, en hoe ek die phenomenen beleef is dat ek is net te lui om vir die small talk opsie te gaan, en dus avoid ek hulle. Dit maak baie goeie sin en ek hou daarby!
die vorige anonymous comment was ek, Stefan.
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